Someone with Avoidant attachment has,
● Buried their feelings long back and instead use their logic – reasoning
● Expect others to understand their words that they love them
● Authentic, deep intimacy scares them
● Flood of emotions, heart-to-heart conversations, confrontations make them uncomfortable
● Being vulnerable makes them feel unsafe
Do not like talking about their feelings
“I love you but I don’t want to spend every night with you.”
Love is overrated to them “I don’t change for anyone”
Will pursue casual- sexual relationships
“Nothing can bother me for long”
“Marriage is not for me”
Take pride in doing things on their own
“I need time for myself”
Believe that they don’t need emotional intimacy in life and therefore will lack real good friends
Healing Avoidant Attachment
Find ways to connect, feel and express your emotions. It’s highly likely no one taught you this or you had to shut your emotional expression in early childhood due to some trauma/ lack of space or responsibilities.
It may be frustrating, but learn to emotionally validate others feelings. But you can only do this as much as you can do yours. Until you can do so – its okay to give space to your partner’s feelings without invalidating them by asking – ” why do you feel so.” Learn this soon as this is where all your relationships make or break.
When in doubt or struggling for trust – instead of shutting down or doing your solo analysis – express your partner. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask for appreciation in the chronic discomfort of a relationship.
You can book personalised Relationship Counselling sessions with Ilashrei Anand to heal from the root cause. We hope you take your well-being on priority.